Improve Your English

This poem is composed by Dr. Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870-1946), a Dutch author and teacher. "The Chaos" illustrates many of the irregularities of English spelling and pronunciation.


The Chaos
Gerard Nolst Trenité

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;

Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's Ok
When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamor
And enamor rhyme with hammer.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangor.

Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loath.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.

Tour, but our and succor, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.

Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough?
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is give it up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqxoWYDZg30

In Guardia Parade

If you wish to learn more about Malta’s history and are looking for an interesting event to see, you should visit the In Guardia Parade. It’s held in the capital of Malta, Valletta. This show is a re-enactment of historical event that took place regularly inside of the fortification of Fort St. Elmo.

The re-enactment shows in Fort St. Elmo’s “Place of Arms” take place on several different dates each year. During the 40 minute show the audience will step back in time and witness the authentic inspection of the fort and its garrison by a high-ranking officer Grand Bailiff of the Order of the Knights of St. John in charge of military affairs. More than 70 re-enactors will be dressed as solders and knights wearing 16^th century style costumes and perform a military drill demonstrating to the Grand Bailiff the garrison’s state of readiness in the event of military threat. This re-enactment show is like a colourful portrait of the 16^th century military history including dress, drills and cannon firing.

Visiting the In Guardia Parade gives you a perfect opportunity to visit the Fort of St. Elmo which otherwise is closed to the public. The fort is open to the visitors to see only prior to the re-enactment, so if you wish to take a tour around the fort, you should enter the fort well before the show starts.

The “In Guardia Parade” is staged by the Malta Tourism Authority and it alternates with another military re-enactment called “Alarme!”.

2012 re-enactments Schedule at Fort St. Elmo:

Feb 5, 12, 26

March 4, 11, 25

April 1, 15, 22, 29

May 6, 13, 27

June 3, 10, 17, 24

July 1, 8

Sep 23, 30

Oct 7, 14, 28

Nov 4, 11, 25

Dec 30

All shows start at 11.00.

Tickets can be purchased at the gate and cost 7 Euros for adults and 3 Euros for children (6-12 years) and students.

Maltese Carnival

Malta is predominantly a Roman Catholic country and as a result the yearly calendar is generously scheduled with public holidays and festas (a feast, festival). A festa is the time of food, song, camaraderie ( a feeling of good friendship among the people in a group) and having fun, as most Christian celebrations are.

One of these religious festivals is Carnival which is held between February and March a huge Carnival is celebrated in Malta. It has an important place on the Maltese cultural calendar and has been celebrated since the 15^th century.

Originally, Catholics were not allowed to eat meat during the 40 days of Lent. Carnival was the tradition to hold a merriment celebration the day before Lenten days and got its name from the Latin "carne levare" , which means putting away the meat because of the Lent.

Carnival received a major boost after having been introduced to the Islands by Grand Master Piero de Ponte in 1535, five years after the Knights of St. John arrived in Malta.

Carnival is held during the week leading up to Ash Wednesday. It’s a whole week of fun including colourful floats, fancy mask and dress competitions, marching bands and costumed revellers.

Up until 1751, carnival was held exclusively in Valletta and lasted for three days. Around 1752 the Carnival was extended to five days.

By time the Carnival popularity increased and more people participated in the event.

Nowadays you can find people celebrating Carnival in every corner of the islands but the largest of today’s Maltese Carnival celebrations are still held in the capital city of Valletta and its surroundings.

The Nadur Carnival in Gozo is very popular amongst younger generation as it is known for its darker themes.

The Valletta Carnival is usually opened with a light-hearted sword dance called Parata (re-enactment of the 1565 victory of the Knights over the Turks).

Traditional Carnival food includes perlini (multi-coloured, sugar-coated almonds) and the prinjolata (towering assembly of sponge cake, biscuits, almonds and citrus fruits, topped with cream and pine nuts).

Join the celebrations of this years Carnival, held in the cities of Valletta and Nadur from February 17^th – February 21^st 2012. Have some fun and experience Maltese festa.

Cambridge Exam Preparation Courses

The Cambridge ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages) qualifications are recognised by thousands of employers, universities, and colleges worldwide and accepted in over 130 countries. inlingua Malta is and authorized open centre for the Cambridge ESOL Examinations here in Malta. Students have the added advantage of preparing for the Exam held in March, June, August or December on the actual Examination premises.

We will prepare you for FCE, CAE, CPE, PET or KET Examinations. This course in a minimum of 8 weeks and is the ideal certification for your professional and academic life. An advantage of the Cambridge exam is the livelong validity. The Cambridge exams are sequential but you can also enter on a higher level.

Course includes:
30 Group Lessons per week targeted at Exam preparation
Minimum 8 week duration
Maximum 10 Students per class

Courses starting at inlingua Malta in 2012:

FCE Exam Package Recommended Level: Upper Intermediate
16 January; 16 April; 25 June; 15 October

CAE Exam Package Recommended Level: Advanced:
23 January; 16 April; 25 June; 8 October

CPE Exam Package Recommended Level: Proficiency
16 January; 16 April; 8 October

Standard Season
Cambridge Exam preparation Course (8 weeks) = €1400
inlingua Residence Accommodation (8 weeks) = €714

High Season
Cambridge Exam preparation Course (8 weeks) = €1840
inlingua Residence Accommodation (8 weeks) = €1134

inlingua Registration Fee and Cambridge Exam Registration Fee are not included in the price
*The inlingua Residence is situated in St.Julians

For further information visit: http://www.inlinguamalta.com/frontpage/cambridge-exam-special-offer/

Or send and email to: info@inlinguamalta.com and book your preparation course today!

Home is where the heart is...

From time to time life tends to be unpredictable. It makes its twists and turns of fate when we never see them coming. Taking us to places where we never imagined going to.

Sometimes it takes us somewhere nice. Other times you wish you would have missed the ride.

My twist of fate brought me here to Malta and I’m enjoying my ride.

If someone had told me on that sunny day in September when I stepped off the plane in Luqa airport that 4 months later I’d be here in Malta I probably would have laughed. But that’s the reality. Autumn passed, then Christmas, year 2011 became 2012…and me – well I’m still here without signs of leaving. Instead of leaving, I’m settling down – working here at inlingua Malta, meeting new people almost every day, discovering this small but beautiful country, enjoying Maltese winter and its unpredictable weather.

My main reason for staying is not the breathtaking landscapes but people. The kind of people who make you feel as if you were at home – warm, welcoming and helpful.

We never know what tomorrow brings but as long as it lasts I’m trying to make the most out of every day here – enjoying myself and the people that surround me.

They say: "Home is where the heart is." – in that case, I guess, I have to split mine in two because part of it is always with my family and friends back home and the other part of it seems be here in Malta.

Greetings to all my loved ones in Estonia and a big thank you to those who have made me feel welcome here in Malta .

Merili

Marketing Representative at inlingua Malta